Because I feel I need to post more often, or at least on regular intervals, I thought I would ask a question I've been curious about for a while... My readers, how do you feel about FAs, or fat admirers? Would you rather someone dated you (along with personality of course ;D) because of your fat, because s/he's not an asshole about that kinda stuff, or because that's not what s/he looks for when deciding what is beautiful? Just a quick question I'd appreciate input on from, well, anyone, actually. Fatties and skinnies alike XD
Friday, June 8, 2007
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If all your mate likes you for is your body, of course it's a bad relationship. If they actually love you, and happen to be driven wild by some aspect of your physique, regardless of what it is - heck, go with it!
I want someone to love all of me, not just the fat.
As an FA, I'd note that the options aren't just dating you because of your fat or in spite of your fat. I know there are some FA's who are jerks who only care about how a woman looks, but that's an issue with men. Its not specific to FA's. Myself, I want a woman I'm attracted to entirely. So, inclusive of her body. I think any instance of treating a mate like a buffet, taking what you want and rejecting the rest, is going to be emotionally strained. Being with someone who is attracted to all of you shouldn't be something only thin people get to enjoy.
I think FA has been fetishized by our culture to a large extent. There are men who will date only blondes. There are women who will date only people with ripped shoulders. A preference does not automatically indicate a legitimate fetish. And I think many people (both men and women of whatever orientation) just aesthetically appreciate fat people.
My boyfriend has never dated a fat person before. His last girlfriend was a stereotypical stripper type. We have an amazing relationship and I'm glad to be with him, but the relationships I have had with fat admirers did not include the same worry about attraction that sometimes plagues me in this relationship.
I think you have to take people as individuals. Just because someone prefers fat people, well, that doesn't mean they are only dating you because you are fat, you know?
To me, being in love means loving ALL of your partner. I'm an FA, but even if I were dating a skinny girl, I'd still learn to love her body, because like bstu said - you can't take what you want and ignore the rest. I think this goes for both physical and mental aspects of a person.
Well, I want someone to love me for me, but seriously, a partner whose wild about my body? Call that a plus. Particularly since I'm not at the point where I'm pretty wild about my body too :) I still struggle with the whole ' no one will want me because I'm fat' thing, but I tell that little voice to SHUT UP.
I have a friend who loves big women. But more than that, he geniuinely loves women, so I for him, it's not just a fetish. He loves women, he loves big women best of all. But it's not just about the body.
I'm not sure I've ever gone out with an FA. At least, they haven't advertised :) None of the men I've been with has ever made me feel like my body was a problem, so . . .
Even as a fat woman for a long time I was alienated by FAs - until it finally dawned on me that fat admirers being seen as "deviant" or "fetishists" was just part of the whole marginalizing discourse about fat.
That discourse assumes fat is universally "disgusting" and of course, since FA's contradict that assumption - they're in turn redefined as "deviant." It's a "no true scotsman" fallacy. If you assume "normal people" can't be attracted to fat, then anyone who is attracted to fat must be defined as "abnormal" if you're to maintain that belief in the face of contradictory evidence.
And I guess it was part of my own body-hating that I couldn't understand how it was even possible to see a fat body as beautiful. Part of that is just a lack of beautiful images of fat bodies - and seeing such images - as a for instance Leonard Nimoy's photography project - make it easier to see through the eyes of an FA and in turn de-stigmatize it for yourself.
It's hard to say really.
BBW/SSBBWs/BHM have various opinions that while some are agreed upon on in a larger scale: Some are different.
Some BBWs/BHMs appreciate the middle ground: Admiring the body of a larger person as one piece to the whole puzzle that encompasses a relationship. Many have dated FAs, Non-FAs, and more. Some of these people believe this to be the best because nearly everything is valued: Physique, Personality, views, et cetera...
Some, on the other hand, prefer to date Non-FAs. These are people that look past the weight as a being a flaw. There's a sort of stigma about FAs enjoying weight gain (And hating weight loss at any given moment), and that's just one of many reasons why some of these people prefer men/women in this group.
I am an FA, but I also find thinner women attractive. I find the larger physique to be alluring in many cases, and I value all of the other things that go with a relationship as well. Even though some would say FAs that are just in it for the fat are worthy of the term: I don't think I can always agree with that. Calling them fetishist is accurate in my opinion, because it is still objectifying to some people for a person to still be completely centered around weight. It isn't very humane to think that way, in my opinion. We actually put that as one of the entries in the "FA Code of Conduct" on the Dims board: :p
"Remember that although the chances of your physical attraction greatly being attributed to the added flesh of your partner is high, Fat Admiration is a preference. Realize that your partner is human, and in order for it to be a preference, you must find perks and(or) flaws about your partner that are not directly aligned to their bodyweight. That isn't just personality either. It can be anything: Shared hobbies, shared views on politics and life, shared tastes in things such as music or food, traditions, religion, relationship views, et cetera..."
I know you are new to the whole thing. You'll find someone to treat you right in due time. ^_^
I would rather someone dated me because he likes me and my fat. Admittedly, the reasons of late have been because of my fat instead of because he likes me...I started to feel like a fat f**k doll. Up until then I never ever thought it could be possible for men to make me feel that way. And then it hit me - skinny women have the same problem. How do they know that men aren't dating them because of how they look and not because of who they are? You shouldn't be asking whether or not the man who will want you will be an FA. You should be asking yourself, will he be mature enough to know that there is more to a woman besides a sexy body. Period.
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