Sunday, February 15, 2009

My therapist is a jerk.

I like using titles that will hopefully get more clicks than if I were to use a simple title :) Anyway, hi everyone, sorry about the scarcity of my posts. I have returned to school once more, and am spending even more time with my boyfriend due to the fact that I am at his school for a semester! It's quite nice. In regards to my health, I am feeling much better now that I am truly participating in health at every size, meaning that I am eating healthier and exercising, causing me to feel far better than before. I hope to post more often, but it's difficult when you don't have mad study skillz (I don't). Also, sorry about the misplaced banner. I keep meaning to work on my layout edit, but I can't find time to learn the XML needed to make the layout I keep dreaming of. Let's see where I can go in the next few weeks with this :)

Somewhat recently I saw my therapist for a second time. As it was, he hadn't helped me much. I mean, my problems all have to do with the fact that I realize I'm being silly, but don't know how to change my behavior, yet his answers are always the same. "You need to realize that that behavior isn't good." Ya think? I just said that! Anyway, the last time (and I mean it... The last time) I saw him, I was discussing my plans for my health with him. I told him how I was exercising at least a half hour everyday, and how I was eating better portions through my own little quirky ways, such as by using a heart shaped bowl to eat out of whenever it's something I shouldn't be eating a whole lot of anyway. I explained my own theory to him, since I enjoy self analysis, and told him how I felt that my love of the heart bowl stemmed from a perceived and long-lasting view of myself as less than feminine, and that I might be overcompensating in ways in order to feel more feminine than I naturally am. His response was what frustrated me quite a bit, though. He said "well that makes sense... Also, you might find yourself becoming more and more feminine as you lose weight." I had told him numerous times that my goals were always becoming more healthy, not losing weight and, if I do lose weight, that it would be due to a cutback in caloric intake, not for aesthetic reasons. It frustrated me that he would try and assert that being overweight has kept me from being feminine, and for assuming that I truly wanted to be feminine at all. I mean, everyone likes to express traits associated with the other gender here and there, so it made sense to me that I would occasionally feel that I am lacking in certain ways, and compensate for that in little ways here and there. Have you ever had a similar experience with a therapist or someone simple making different assumptions?

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